


Don’t Wait To Lay Your Armor Down

by sperrywink



Category: The Losers (2010)
Genre: First Kiss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-28
Updated: 2014-01-28
Packaged: 2018-01-10 07:33:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1156856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sperrywink/pseuds/sperrywink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen tells Cougar he likes him. It takes Cougar awhile to figure out his response.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don’t Wait To Lay Your Armor Down

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt [The Losers - Cougar - Are You Lonesome Tonight?](http://fic-promptly.dreamwidth.org/199144.html?thread=8482280#cmt8482280) by jujitsuelf.
> 
> Title from "Don't Wait" by Dashboard Confessional, who apparently provide my soundtrack for The Losers.

“I like you,” Jensen said earnestly to Cougar. The three of them, Jensen, Pooch, and Cougar, were hanging out in the safe house’s living room, and Jensen had just sidled up to Cougar, and dropped his bombshell.

Cougar was caught off guard, and his mind went blank. After a quick look at Pooch, who looked amused, he stared at Jensen, trying to see in his face any clues as to how to interpret this. Jensen looked hopeful, which made something tighten in Cougar’s chest, that made words extra hard to get out. Cougar wasn’t going to ask something stupid such as “Really?” or “Do you mean like-like?” But without those obvious questions, he didn’t know what to say.

Working past the knot holding his voice hostage, Cougar replied, “Okay.” Then he waited. Unfortunately, Jensen seemed poised for more words from Cougar, or just something more from Cougar than he was able to give right now. 

When it became apparent that Cougar wasn’t going to say any more, Jensen deflated like a balloon. His shoulders rounded, and his head dropped, hiding his face. Finally raising his head with a fake-ass smile, Jensen said, “Great! Glad we had this talk. I gotta go do something, somewhere else.” He then booked it out of the room, leaving behind a stunned Cougar, and Pooch slowly shaking his head.

Pooch said, “He’s not going to wait for you forever, you know. You need to decide what you want.”

Cougar glared at Pooch, and went into the kitchen for a bottle of water, and some privacy to think. Looking out the kitchen window at the scraggly backyard and the fence surrounding it, Cougar thought back over his interactions with Jensen, and what it could all mean.

He didn’t reach any conclusions.

That night, alone in his cot, Cougar tossed and turned, wondering if there was something wrong with him. He could be with Jensen right now apparently, but instead here he was alone and dissatisfied. 

It wasn’t that he had never done anything with a guy before; he had experimented when younger before he entered the army. But he had never considered an actual relationship with a man, and he was positive that was what Jensen had in mind, because he knew for all that Jensen appeared flakey, he was one of the most dedicated and committed men Cougar had ever met. 

Add in that they were team members, and Cougar couldn’t in good conscience just hook-up with Jensen. He had to be serious too, and he didn’t know if he could be. If he was ready to be. It felt like it would redefine who he was, and he wasn’t sure he was up for that. He didn’t know what scared him more, being thought of as gay by everybody, or being in love and vulnerable to Jensen.

He knew Jensen was a good guy, hell, Jensen was one of the best people Cougar had ever met. It wasn’t that. It was just that Cougar had been taking care of himself for so long, he wasn’t sure how to let someone else in. Even someone he trusted like Jensen.

Over the next couple of days, Cougar thought about his issues, and tried to watch Jensen. It wasn’t easy because Jensen was avoiding him, which he understood, but was still frustrating. He hadn’t realized how much time they had been spending together, or how much he depended on Jensen for company and one-sided conversation. It was so much easier being silent and not lonely when the other person had no trouble talking for hours on end.

Thinking about how lonely he now was, maybe he hadn’t been as solitary as he had assumed he was. That revelation rocked him, and he spent a couple more nights tossing and turning, thinking it all over, until he finally decided he needed to talk to Jensen. He knew one thing he could say. He didn’t want to live a life of fear.

With this in mind, Cougar cornered Jensen one afternoon soon after, when the others were out. Jensen tried to bob and weave around him, but Cougar locked his arms on the kitchen counter on either side of Jensen.

With obviously fake nonchalance, Jensen said, “Oh, hey Cougar.”

Before he could lose his courage, Cougar said, “I’m sorry.”

“No worries. You can’t control who you like, right?” Jensen then tried to push past Cougar again, but Cougar stopped him with a hand on his chest this time. Jensen looked like he was going to protest, so Cougar pushed harder, until Jensen looked in his face, and paused at what he saw there.

“That’s not what I mean.” Biting his tongue to take a minute to find the perfect words, Cougar continued, “I’m sorry I don’t know what I want. I’m sorry I’ve made you sad.”

Resting back against the counter, lessening the pressure Cougar needed to hold him there, Jensen replied, “I actually don’t know what that means. I mean, I get that you didn’t mean to make me unhappy, that part I understand, but the first part is confusing me.”

“I’m not good at relationships. At letting people in. Add in that you’re a guy, and I didn’t know what to say, or do.”

Jensen said, “It’s okay not to be attracted to me because I’m a guy. I wouldn’t think less of our friendship. I might need some time to adjust, but I’d still care about you.”

“No, I am attracted to you, or I could be. I mean I hadn’t thought about it, or rather I had avoided thinking about it. Because with you it would be serious, and I was afraid of that.” Cougar let out a big breath once he got all that out. 

Jensen looked disbelieving. “Come on, Cougar. You’re not afraid of anything.”

Cougar slid the hand that was on Jensen’s chest up and around to the back of his neck, and squeezed, rubbing his thumb against Jensen’s nape a couple times. He took a small step closer. He felt like he was on a precipice, and he needed to be closer to Jensen to feel safe. “I’m not afraid of doing things, but feeling things is different. I’m no good at that. You’re good at that.”

Blinking a couple of times, and tilting his head, Jensen was silent. Cougar let him be. He knew Jensen needed to think things through too. Distracted, he rubbed his thumb a couple more times, feeling the short hairs on Jensen’s neck. Finally, Jensen rested his forehead on Cougar’s. He whispered, “So maybe you let me take the lead in feeling things?”

“I’d like that,” Cougar whispered back, their breaths mingling. Jensen closed the distance between them in a soft and tentative kiss. Emotion swelled inside Cougar, but he felt secure for once, and let them wash over him. He trusted Jensen. It was a giddy and freeing feeling, like he had jumped off the precipice into Jensen’s waiting arms.


End file.
